In today?s American society, with approximately 52% of marriages ending in divorce, it is a given that you will encounter a friend or family member who has become an inhabitant of that niche of humanity. It may even be you.

In most cases the children are awarded to the wife or there is joint custody. Depending on the reasons for the divorce and the personalities of the separated partners, the father is often the one who is on the short end of the stick. (I am not a man, by the way.)

As a Facilitator for a Divorced/Separated/Widowed, Support Group I know from whence I speak. Those who do not make a plan to move away from the anger and resentment can end up in harming their children by the constant bickering and sniping at each other. This is called emotional immaturity. Some go to the extent to try to ?win? the children?s affections away from the parent who is not present?Similar to children who say, ?Na, na, he likes me more than you!?

I think they call that childish behavior.

It is always refreshing to see a parent who in spite of the odds goes the extra mile to continue demonstrating love for his or her children, regardless of who spends the most time with them.

I recently had a conversation with Jeff Herring, extremely successful, Internet

Business/Writing Guru, who is a divorced father of two sons, 5 and 12. He has been divorced for a year and a half.

Knowing that he had just moved from Tallahassee, Fla. I asked him, ?Did you move from Florida to Atlanta, Ga. because of the business prospects or to be closer to your children??

He said, ?I was very settled in Tallahassee with a great practice and thought I would never leave. Then my ex moved north of Atlanta with the boys, so I was going to move up there no matter what, even if I had to be a greeter at Wal-Mart. All of the incredible business opportunities, including the relationship radio show, occurred after I was in the 8 month process of moving up here.?

?So, you have shared custody?? ?Yes.?

?What fun things do you do with your kids?? I asked.

?Hunting, fishing, camping. There is a huge, heated pool at the gym I belong to. We have the Braves, Falcons and Hawks games in Atlanta and other cool stuff. I wrestle with them. Once a month I take them to a really nice restaurant so they are exposed to different things.?

?What nice/fun things do you do for yourself??

?Go to the gym, play racquetball, play with the boys.?

?I already know the extent that you will go to, to be at your son?s ball games when you are willing to change a money-making tele-seminars, so you could be at his game. Very impressive!?

?Do you have any difficulties concerning child-sharing from your ex??

?Not really, just small annoyances-for instance, she was mad at me Monday night because I was not going to be finished with the tele-seminar, that I was the Featured Guest on, before she had to leave with our youngest boy. No big deal, I?m used to it.?

?And we all know you stopped in the middle of the tele-seminar to say ?good night? to your 5 year old son. Hearing that big smack of a kiss on the air was a classic, very loving and sweet.?

?Well, he needs to know I love him!?

As readers, you can draw your own conclusions as to whether Jeff is a good father or not. I have!

All too often in the anger, hurt and resentment that arises from a divorce, the children are often made the pawns. They are sometimes urged to tattle on the other parent, or sometimes told untruths in order to make one adult feel better about their decision to divorce. This is so unfair and just plain unconscionable.

YOU DID NOT DIVORCE YOUR CHILDREN! If you truly love them and are an intelligent, mature adult, you will put the feelings and future of your children in front of your desires to hit back. Children do not forget how parents treat each other. They are learning every day how to be adults and they are learning it mostly from YOU!

If you have frustrations that make you feel like you want to slug the other person, bite it back and later go tell it to a close friend or a Therapist, write it in your personal journal, but not to your children. Go to the gym and punch the punching bag, lift weights, run a few laps, anything physical that releases the bad omens.

If you wish to have happy, well-adjusted children who will succeed in their lives, their feelings should be your first priority. If you want loving children, you must be a loving parent. By truly loving them, you will in turn love yourself more.

For more tips and tools to on how to survive divorce and loss and make healthy relationship choices you are invited to visit http://www.Butterflyintonewlife.com or upathubbard@gmail.com Patricia Hubbard has Facilitated a Support Group for Separated, Divorced and Widowed people for the past 11 years. She has been the writer/ producer of "SINGLES PERSPECTIVES" in Virginia Beach. Besides her writing, coaching separated, divorced and widowed persons occupies most of her time.

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